I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
if only i could text you this smell
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
