Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
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