If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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