Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
