My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
