Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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