I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
