dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
