just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
