dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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