My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
