why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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