so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
