The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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