i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
