oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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