ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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