found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
