that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
