Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
