he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
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