some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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