Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You are the jesus of drinking
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
