did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
