When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
