i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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