She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
All the doctor said was why
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
