official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Randomize
