How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
