i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
