That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
