I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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