I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
