we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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