He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
