Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
high people should be assigned attendants
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize