Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
