Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Randomize
