i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
...so i touched it.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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