I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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