what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
