I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
