I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Is it because I queefed?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
