he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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