And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize