Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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