Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
We talked him into tasing himself.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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