yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
