Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
