I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
