im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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