Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize