we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
