Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
