Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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