In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
