I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
this boner is exhausting
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
