We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
