If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
