new low.... made out with someone while peeing
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize