you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
They are going to name an STD after you.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize