i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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