Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Randomize
