stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
