I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
