Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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