I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
