ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Randomize
