My first STD was from a foam party
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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