I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
