Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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