I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
