Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
porn star boner night. come get it.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
