I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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