Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
cat food counts as protein by the way
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
