.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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