I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Welp...herpes.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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