Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
